Guardians Of The Galaxy: I Can Explain
by lord of the land of fire
Summary: The legendary Starlord finds himself in a difficult situation.
1. I can explain

"Well, it's been a pretty amazing day," Peter Quill said. "We defeated Ronan, saved the galaxy, kept an infinity stone out of the hands of Yandu, and somehow all managed to survive."

"Indeed," Gamora said with a fond smile. "And you even used the power of dance to help achieve these noble ends. You truly are a hero. Like the legendary Kevin Bacon." The two of them were walking unescorted through the halls of Nova Central. This though they were technically wanted criminals, hopefully that meant they weren't about to be locked up again.

"Well I wouldn't go that far, there's only one Kevin Bacon. But if you want to call me a hero I won't argue with you."

"Yes, I've noticed you lack humility."

"Hey, I'm just being truthful here. By the way, you look very nice in a skirt."

"Our hosts provided it to me, it would have been rude to refuse to wear it. It is not my style however."

"I don't know about that. I could definitely see you wearing one on a date."

She came to a stop, put both hands on her hips, and raised an eyebrow. "I'm a living weapon, I don't go on dates."

Peter stopped as well. "You also said you didn't dance."

"I remember, it's still true. I don't dance and I don't date."

"You know what I think?" He reached out and took hold of one of her hands. Gamora did not try and pull away. "I think that if you gave it one try, you just might really like it."

Her fingers slipped between his. "You truly believe that?"

"Yeah," he slowly leaned in closer to her. "I'm a hero remember? Would I lie?" As his lips neared hers he could feel her warm breath on his skin.

"Peter, is that you?" A female voice said from behind.

Startled, he let go of Gamora's hand and turned around with a guilty expression on his face. It was pure reflex, and only after he'd done so did it occur to him that he didn't have anything to feel guilty about.

Or so he thought.

Standing there in the hall was a purple skinned, hairless woman in a level three tech support Nova Corps uniform. She had tentacles and needle teeth. Seeing his face her inky black eyes widened. "It is you!" She drew her right arm back and delivered a rubbery smack across his face. "You said you'd call me!" The Oscumarian yelled.

"Qurora, I can explain."

"Do you have any idea how long I waited by the telecommunicator waiting for you to call?"

"Baby, I swear it's not what you think."

"Two weeks! I waited for two weeks!"

"Qurora, I wanted to call, but there were issues."

"What? Like your deep cover work trying to infiltrate the Skrulls?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact. Babe, you know how dangerous my line of work is. How could I have asked you to be with me? That would have just been cruel."

She opened her mouth and spat out a stream of ink that got Peter right in the forehead. "Liar! I found out you're a Ravager! I hope you die a slow and painful death!" Spinning on her heel she stormed off.

Trying to wipe off the ink Peter only managed to spread it further over his face. "Hey! That was part of my cover! I swear!" After a couple minutes of effort he gave up on cleaning his face without some industrial strength soap. When he turned around again Gamora had her arms crossed over her chest and was glaring at him. "Okay, I can explain."

"You are despicable!" Gamora stomped away.

"Hey! Come on! Give me a break, I'm a hero, remember?"


	2. I have a plan

"You're. Making. Me. Kick. This. Grass!" Rocket growled. When he finally got at least some of his frustration out of his system he rounded on the two of them. "Fine! So how exactly do we do this? Cause I got no clue how the three of us can get our friends back from an army of Ravagers!"

His old partner rubbed the part of his face that would have been a chin and then spoke thoughtfully. "I am Groot?"

"You're an idiot! Like that would work!" Rocket rubbed his eyes with his little paws. "Ask them he says. Why would they just let them go because we asked them to?"

"I am Groot."

"Of course they're not nice people!"

"I have a plan," Drax said.

Rocket stared at the tattooed maniac. "You've got a plan?"

"Did I not just state so?"

"Oh this should be good. Fine, let's hear it."

"We track down the abductors of Quill and Gamora and then demand they hand them over to us. If they do not we destroy them with the device that can blow up moons."

"Groot!"

"I agree, that's crazy."

"Do you have a better alternative little furry one?"

Rocket gave a frustrated grunt. "No. Fine then, we'll go with your plan."

Drax nodded. "Also, we should give them until the count of five before obliterating them."

"Fine," Rocket snapped. "Now let's get going. We have to track them down before the two of them get spaced."

The three of them started heading back to the Milano.

"I am Groot?"

"No, I don't have the keys. Quill has them. I'll just hotwire the thing."

"How will heating the wires help us pilot the ship?"

Rocket kicked another clump of innocent grass.


	3. I should have been more specific

Nova Prime stared at the hologram. It showed a Kree warship just entering the solar system.

"Long range telemetry confirms Dark Aster is on approach to Xandar," a tech announced. "Estimated arrival in twenty minutes."

"I want every dreadnaught, heavy cruiser, frigate, and destroyer on an intercept course now! Send the entire home fleet." Nova Prime ordered. "We'll destroy Ronan before he even reaches the atmosphere."

The Nova Central officers looked at one another. Finally, one of them spoke while ringing his hands. "About that, there's sort of a problem."

Nova Prime turned to the man. "What problem, lieutenant?"

"Well… we don't have any capital ships in the system right now."

"What?! We are the heart of the entire Nova Empire! We were powerful enough to fight the Kree to a stalemate. The home fleet has no fewer than a hundred and twenty frontline warships. How could we not have any in system?"

The lieutenant's eyes darted about the room as he answered. "You sort of ordered the fleet to the Kiln."

Nova Prime gaped. "I didn't mean the _entire_ fleet!"

"You didn't specify, and we didn't want to ask since you were sort of upset. And no one actually thought there was any chance we'd be attacked here. I mean we did sign that peace treaty."

Nova Prime wondered why she'd even bothered signing that stupid peace treaty in the first place. "Well what exactly do we have in system?"

"A few hundred short range fighters."

"How are Nova fighters going to bring that down?" She waved at the image of the Kree ship.

"Maybe we could stop it by forming a blockade?" Someone suggested hopefully.

"Right, blockades are awesome," the lieutenant said nodding. "Plus the Ravagers are saying they'll help!"

Nova Prime put both hands to her face and started calling everyone there a dick.


End file.
